Primary Concerns

Well, as you know my most recent poly relationship has gone by the wayside. Now my husband is here bearing the brunt of the heart break. I am not sure how he is and going to deal with this on his own but I have been trying to talk through it with him. He says its kinda hard to see me heart broken over another man, but he realizes that I need to love other men, similar to him needing to have sexual relations with other women/men.

Even the smallest things can affect the way I process my emotions. I had a cuddly friend stroke my neck today and it started the tears a flowing. I think that my meds have made me numb. A friend in the medical field said to me today that "I don't really want to put my husband on a anti-depression medication because yeah it helps you from being really sad but it also prevents you from becoming really happy". That is kind of the way that I feel now, just kind of neutral. My heart hurts, a lot, yet I cannot do anything to feel better. No cleansing cry, no yelling and screaming, no getting over it fucking, nothing. Just empty and numb. The second worst break up ever, only after finding out my ex-cheated on me with my best friend taking her virginity, and cheated on his wife with me.

However, being poly has helped my husband and I sustain our marriage. You ask why or how? Well before I met my husband, I was a serial monogamist. Once I got bored with a boyfriend, I would start looking for another. Once I did, I broke up with the original. Never cheating on the original however. Meaning no sex till I was only with one. So now I have an original that lets me find a third, that makes me happy. However Ideally I am hoping to find the one man that can make my life whole with my husband... the three of us would love each other and complement each other perfectly.

Here is an example of how poly and D/s can help and sustain a marriage.
We have a couple friends (they are married) that do not communicate either in the Vanilla world, or the D/s world very well. Mainly on his part, he is ashamed of being bi. It is hard for me to see them have such conflicts but it is all due to lack of communication, as well as lack of being comfortable in their own bodies. With them I see a perfect poly-cuckold relationship. The husband seems to be a cuckold, and really doesn't do much with the wife alone. So she, being his dominant, should be allowed to have someone that does "get it done". Them finding D/s in general has helped their marriage, however not letting it flow through them naturally is hindering the good that it has done. He is obviously very submissive, and very bi, however he is so ashamed of it, it is controlling his life.